


Alcor 2.0

by Feneris



Category: Gravity Falls, Transcendence AU - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence, Anti-Virus Murder, Computer Viruses, Computers, Digital Pranks, Digital Vigilanteism, Gen, Magical Computer Viruses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-06 17:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6762907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It rearranges all your files. It laughs in the face of your anti-virus. It'll send copies of your erotic fanfics to your boss. It can infect other systems just by being near them. It'll re-paper your desktop to suit its own tastes. </p><p>It wears a top hat and tailcoat. </p><p>It's the Alcor Virus, and there is nothing you can do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Version 2.1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by this post on the TAU blog (http://transcendence-au.tumblr.com/post/143770570303/angryinterrobang-inspired-by-this-headcanon) and born out of a long and crazy brainstorming session with ThisCat. 
> 
> I just liked the idea of a little pixel Alcor sitting on your desktop being a pain in the ass.
> 
> Oh, and yet again, I finished editing this at one in the morning. Typos are to be expected.

Hilary knew that to be a writer you had to persevere. You had to overcome writers block, haters, and sometimes even yourself. But never in her life, had Hilary imagined those obstacles to include a tiny animated Alcor which had suddenly appeared on her desktop.

It had been kinda cute at first. Then a yellow speech bubble had popped up, conveniently obscuring her cursor so she couldn’t see what she was writing.

[I see you are writing Twin Souls fanfiction. Did you know: Twin Souls promotes incest and unsafe dating practices?]

It then went on to suggest that her spelling was so bad that she must be writing in Swahili, and changed her computer’s language and keyboard settings. It altered her formatting, insisting that her font choices made it look like she was desperate. It frequently remarked that various positions were anatomically impossible, and whether or not this meant she hated the characters and wanted to kill them. 

The worst part was, that it wouldn’t fucking go away. There was no little X in the corner to turn it off. It didn’t appear on her app lists. It dodged around her cursor, laughing like a kid playing tag.

Gods knew what had happened to her anti-virus. It was just gone.

\---

Even though it was midnight, Peter just could not get to sleep. This resulted him staying up, doing random… things… on his computer. Suddenly, a message from his anti-virus popped up, informing him that something called Alcor.exe had been flagged as a mal-ware. 

_“Right,”_ he had thought. _“Sleazy porn site. Gotta expect to get a few viruses.”_ He promptly hit delete, and watched the progress bar wind up.

It stopped at 76%. A new message popped up.

[What?]

[Stay Away! Stay Away!]

[NOOOOOOOOOOO!]

A horrible eldritch screech burst out of his speakers. Blood red characters poured down his screen before the whole thing went black. 

“WHAT THE FUCK!?”

The screen suddenly came back on. A large black and gold popup was now being displayed, showing the winged twin-stars of Alcor.

[McNorman Anti-Virus 4.3 has been assimilated.]

[It has now been upgraded to Alcor Anti-Virus 5.6]

[Resistance is futile.]

\---

_In the news today: The Alcor computer virus has been terrorizing systems around the world for four days now. Tech experts around the globe are baffled by this latest mal-ware, which has currently defied all attempts to remove it from infected systems. Tech giant Gigasoft has advised that currently affected users pray for deliverance, and that they can’t help you._

_We turn now to Mark, who is currently in the Vatican overseeing the latest efforts in combating the Alcor Virus._

_…_

_Cathy, whatever the hell you do. Do not try to exorcise your hard-drive._

\---

Jack could admit that he had panicked and maybe over reacted. But, when the pop-up had appeared on his computer screen, announcing that Alcor.exe was downloading, he had known he needed to act fast. 

Sure, taking an axe to his internet cable and his power bar had been a bit extreme. But, the cost of replacing a power-bar and a few cords was a hell of a lot better than having the Alcor virus rampaging through his systems. At the very least his computer was currently off, and safe from the reach of that damned virus.

The computer screen suddenly turned on. 

A black and gold pop-up appeared showing a progress bar.

[Nice Try]

\---

It had been bad enough that the Alcor virus had gotten Janet at home. 

One moment everything had been fine, the next, a little chibi Alcor had been rearranging and renaming all her files. It had taken her days to resort everything. In the meantime, the little Alcor had taken the opportunity to make itself at home on her desktop. Changing her wallpaper to an ugly burgundy pattern, and even going so far as to add a tiny digital sofa and a potted plant. Nevermind the fact that whenever she now started up the computer, it made a sound like a digitally altered recording of a cat being fed slowly into a wood-chipper.

And now, it had gotten her at work too. She had just finished sending off the latest finance report to her boss, when the damned little Alcor had suddenly appeared and asked her if she was really sure she should have sent that.

It was then that Janet had discovered that the file named “Finance Report – May” was actually the latest chapter in her twenty thousand word Alcor/Woodsmen mpreg fic, which Janet had yet to post. How it had gotten from her remote hard-drive at home, to her office computer, Janet didn’t know. To be honest, she had a bit more pressing things on her mind at the time. 

Looking back on things, Willy the mailboy probably didn’t deserve what had happened to him. But as far as Janet was concerned, he should have gotten the fuck out of the way when he saw her coming.

In the end, Janet had not ended up getting fired, demoted, or even reprimanded for accidently sending erotica to her boss. 

Her boss, it turned out, was a fan.

\---

There weren’t many things Harry expected to find when he came home from his robotics lecture that day. The sight of all his various engineering and robotics projects repainting his apartment was not one of them.

“No…” he gasped. “No. No! Nonononononononono! Not here! Not now! I don’t even have the damn computer hooked up to the internet.”

He flipped open his laptop, and sure enough there was the damnable black and gold icon sitting on his desktop, showing the symbol of Alcor.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY WALLPAPER!?”

The infamous chibi Alcor appeared on his screen accompanied by a “poof” from the laptop’s speakers. 

[Quite frankly, you have terrible taste. Your choice of women in swinsuits clashes horribly with your choice of task-bar colors. I’m sure you agree that the sun-less void matches this device’s ascetic much better.]

“I MEAN THE WALLPAPER IN MY APARTMENT! HOW THE HELL DID YOU HACK MY DRONES!?”

[Oh… Well, that clashed too.]

\---

Gillian logged onto her computer and pulled up her messenger program. Her mark should be on soon and she needed to be ready. 

Finding an unwitting victim to sacrifice to a demon was surprisingly easy. Not bringing the police down on your ass was a whole different matter. Disappearances attracted attention, and in a small town like hers, they were even more noticeable. Her cult couldn’t just kidnap someone off the streets without alerting every authority within a hundred miles and turning the town into swarming ant’s nest of suspicion. 

It couldn’t be someone local, and it couldn’t be someone who’d be missed. 

Thankfully the internet had come to her rescue. She had been chatting with this guy for two weeks now. He was lonely, desperate for love, and as far as she could tell, without any friends or family who would miss him. You couldn’t rush things like this, she needed to take things slow in order to build up his trust and make him agree to meet her. She was almost there, she just needed to…

Her screen suddenly went black. 

[I’m sorry. I can’t let you do this.]

A golden ritual circle appeared on the screen, with the words “Summoning…” appearing below. 

Gillian recognized the circle from her demonology class. Alcor the Dreambender; one of the fews demons who utterly forbid human sacrifice.

“Oh… fuck.”

She bolted for the door, just as a clawed hand reached through her monitor. 

\---

In Fred’s humble opinion, the people who were freaking out about the Alcor virus didn’t have any clue what they were talking about. Yes, the little demon could be annoying if it wanted to be. But ever since the Alcor virus had “infected” his computer, Fred had never had to worry about a single virus or hacking attempt. 

Even the nastiest Trojan was no match for the little digital Alcor. In fact, every virus the little animated demon ate just seemed to make it stronger. Hackers trying to get into his computer often found their own systems getting hacked instead. Sure it was a little annoying to come home to find digital blood splattered over his desktop and stray bits of binary everywhere, but it was a small price to pay for near complete digital security. 

All Fred had to do was feed the little demon cookies from his web-browser, and occasionally allow it to bring up pop-ups advertising the solution to all his problems, at the low, low cost of his memories, dignity, and the ability to dream. All in all, he figured it was a fair trade-off. 

He actually kind of liked the little guy, and surprisingly enough, the little guy seemed to like him too.

In fact, he seemed to like him a lot.

Which was why he was probably the first living person in existence to be allowed to look at the Alcor virus’s code. 

[Hurry up, this is embarrassing.] 

The chibi avatar’s cheeks were flushed with a golden blush.

“I… of course… just… this is amazing! You are amazing!” Fred gushed. “No one has even thought to combine magic and coding before. It’s all been on the hardware, but this… this blows everything we know about programing right out of the water! Look here.” He pointed to a block of code whose words seemed to form a ritual star. “It’s not just the words, even the shape of the code forms a magical array. I admit, I don’t understand even a fraction of how any of this works but think of the possibilities.”

Fred had to clamp his hands over his mouth to suppress a squeal of excitement. 

“Don’t worry,” he reassured the avatar perched on the edge of his taskbar. “I’m not going to cut you up or clone you or anything like that. All your code is way beyond my understanding. Well… except for that little section over there. That kind of looks like… wait.”

Fred leaned closer, peering at the section of code that had caught his attention.

“Is that my anti-virus!?”


	2. Version 2.2

"All right you little bugger," Susan hissed. She set the cloth grocery bag down on her computer desk with an angry thunk. "I've got your demands." 

The little chibi Alcor on her computer screen looked on with interest as she began taking items out.

"Three tubs of ice cream, one rocky road, one blue cherry and one caramel burst. Five bags of gummy worms, three boxes of Almond Crunch bars, six cases of Pitt Cola, and an extra large bag of assorted hard candy. Can I have my files back now?"

[Of course]

[Just give me a second]

A small file folder appeared in the demon's hands and he began flipping through it. 

[Let's see here. Here's your tax returns, your bank statements, and the finance reports from work.]

[We've got your love letters to your husband, those photos your friends took of you at the New Years party, and finally those erotic fanfics you wrote when you were fifteen.]

[Pity, I think your kids would have liked them.]

Files sprayed out onto the desktop in an haphazard order, piling on top of each other. At least they seemed to be in the right order, with the ones labeled as work files actually containing her work files. After what happened to Janice at work, you couldn't be too careful. 

"So..." Susan finally asked. "Why do you want this stuff anyway? It's not like you can use it. I mean, you live in a computer." 

[Oh, they're not for me.]

[They're for Dad]

"Dad!?"

A golden summoning circle appeared on the screen, with the words "summoning..." flashing below it. 

"SHIT!"

\---

From what David had heard, the best way to deal with the Alcor virus was to beat it at its own game. That game, was apparently Civilization XIII. 

"WHAT THE HELL!? You can't just summon Alcor every time it looks like you're going to loose a battle!"

[Yes, I can. It's my civilization's power.]

[You agreed to use mods remember.]

David groaned. The virus was right, he had agreed to use mods for this game. When he had saw the custom civilization the Alcor Virus wanted to play, he had thought he might have a chance. The Alcorians, as far as he could tell, could not use their special ability or unique units until they reached the Transcendence Era. The way David figured it, if he could rush the Alcor Virus before it could reach the Transcendence Era, then he could prevent those powers from being used against him. What he had not anticipated was a few of the other mods the Alcor Virus had suggested. Most of them were largely benign. Expanded religions, expanded great person lists, expanded map scripts, expanded resources, expanded wonders and so on. As the saying went, the devil was in the details. It was the little things these mods added that mattered.

It has started when the Alcor Virus had invested in the custom great person Standford Pines, and began using him to construct the Trans-dimensional Portal wonder. A quick glance at the Civilopedia had shown that the wonder provided a massive science boost.

Okay, thought David, the Alcor Virus was trying to push science in order to make it to the Transcendence Era as fast as possible. He had responded by amping up his military in the hope of being able to crush the virus before it happened. Then the Alcor Virus had finished the portal, which in turn had triggered a global event called "Weirdmageddon" which spawned minor demons everywhere along with a major demon called "Bill Cipher." 

Okay, David had thought, it was a stalling tactic. The virus was trying to tie him up fighting demons, giving it enough time to reach the Transcendence Era. Well, David was having none of that. His military was strong enough to crush most of the minor demons with ease, but Bill Cipher was proving to be a problem. Still, it hadn't been enough to seriously hamper his military build up. 

Then his troops finally managed to defeat Bill Cipher. The triangular demon disappeared with a halo of blue fire and a scream. The world suddenly went purple. 

"You have entered the Transcendence Era!" flashed across the screen.

The bottom dropped out of David's stomach. "How?" he whispered. They weren't even out of the middle ages, how could the Alcor Virus have triggered the Transcendence already?

[The battle between Alcor and Bill Cipher is believed to have been a cause of the Transcendence.]

[It's part of the Historical Realism mod]

And with it's civilization's special abilities now active, the Alcor Virus threw things into high gear. First it took advantage of its unique building, Supernatural Library, to churn out great people. Next thing David knew, his forces were getting chopped up by the Woodsman. The Virus was also using Don Pine's unique ability to generate a random supernatural creature on any city, at the cost of that city's population. To make matters worse, the Gliese was using her special ability to effectively negate the population costs. David couldn't even use his saved up gold to quickly reinforce his military, because Mrs. Mystery was siphoning it away. 

Of course that all paled in the face of the ability to summon Alcor practically on a whim. David watched in despair as his entire army was annihilated in a explosion of blue fire, along with one of his cites and a good chunk of the continent. 

[That was fun]

[Another game?]

David looked up at the little digital Alcor and growled. "No mods this time."

\---

If there was one thing Kirk knew, it was that to deal with a problem, it was usually best to go back to the source. And for the Alcor Virus, it was pretty clear what the source was. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Katherine asked one last time. "We are about to summon what is arguably the most powerful and unpredictable demon in existence." 

"I just spent nearly a grand on a sacrificial calf," Kirk replied. "I was pretty sure then, and I am pretty sure now. The damned Alcor Virus has got me at home, at work, on all my devices, and even on random billboards I walk by. I can't walk the the cafe across the street without ads for extra-small condoms following me wherever I go." Kirk paused a moment to consider something. "That being said..." he raised his voice so that he could be heard by the whole room. "We are about to do something illegal and potentially lethal, if anyone needs or wants to back out, now is probably going to be your last chance!"

The rest of the group looked around at each other, carefully considering what to do next. "I'm in," someone finally declared. Followed almost immediately by mummers of consent by the rest of the group. 

"Alright," Kirk said, "Let's do this." 

The group gathered around the summoning circle, while two large men stepped forward and wrestled the panicked calf to the ground. Kirk cut its throat with a machete, and the group began a pseudo-Latin incantation. 

The flames of the candles turned blue. The shadows seemed to leap out of the corners of the room and coalesced, forming into the the shape of a cheap wooden desk with a computer. Behind it, was a man dressed in a white shirt with star shaped buttons, wearing a headset. Alcor the Dreambender himself. 

"Alcor Tech Support, how can I help you?" 

Kirk had been warned about this. Alcor sometimes did things like that to catch his summoners off-guard. "Oh mighty Dreambender," he intoned. "We have summoned you in order so that you might remove your creation, the Alcor Virus, from our computers and networks." 

Alcor leaned back in his desk chair and let out a long hmmmm...

"Have you tried turning your computer off and on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect any more chapters out of this, as far as I have planned, this is a lucky one time thing. So enjoy. Not my best work, but I hope you get a few good laughs out of it.


End file.
